Sunday, May 27, 2012

The haze

Yes, it is possible that you change to someone else and see yourself as another.

Numb – A word of which I am somehow getting to feel the meaning of. Storms are not necessarily born out of situations, but may sometimes be born of a pattern as well. It is pretty wonky for me as well (as I trust must be for you) to associate the words numb and storm together. The first few hits, you just don’t get it. There comes a time when it seems time is just pulling you away and slowing you down.

I wonder most times why is it so tough for humans to accept the fact that they change; and change much more than they anticipated. This is because somehow change is somehow also notionally attached to the concept of character.

Yes, this is a change in persona, and it has been a rollercoaster ride. I don’t pretty much say this being full of pride or anything. I thought it was over after a round, but it seems the ride owner feels like sending me for an extra trip. I hope it stops sometime.

I inspired to be a fiction writer and it is precisely before 4 years I dared this thought into my system. I write quite a bit, but most of it is just thoughts. It has been around 2 years since I have written any fiction at all. I had some spurts of enthusiasm which made me jot down a few lines, and then – boom! An empty cloud just came and attacked that part of which was a storyteller. Somehow, subconsciously, I let the other life affect me (whatever the other life had to offer). It’s like having hazy mirrors all around you, and making you seem unfamiliar.    

I wasn’t the IQ sort of person (and am not pretty much now as well) and I didn’t have many ‘dreams’ or ‘ambitions.’ I honestly don’t understand this concept too much. But amongst all the highs and lows, one thing which caught my interest was writing. As to how words form on the blank page. I found it the most beautiful medium capable of the best telepathic ability which is not restricted to anything at all (not even the king of destinies – time).

At this juncture, I really need to figure out how this will turn out. Somehow the creative centre of mine is not only sleeping, but I think it has gone away. All I can do now is wait.

This post is not to make a point. A man like me is not pretty good with such things. I thought I might figure out something’s as I came to the blank page, but for now, I can just wait until the haze clears.