An unknown source

As intoxicated I lay, losing some strength;
Longing just a word, my wish knew its length
Beginning to walk upon an undrawn path,
Knowing nothing of consequences and its aftermath

I felt so dependent on some will,
Which turned to me and asked me still,
I seek no refuge within these fears,
Which defined me as well, through these years

Beneath this smiling, laughing face, I wear,
An unknown evil for me to bear;
Looked no further, just another burning flame
but to us now it looked all the same

The sparks always attempted to fall beyond
That place which was with cold, wetness bound
Some thoughts did tangled me within,
And always tore away the healthy sin

A sword beside; and from fate, a relentless frown,
Though always attempts to turn me down;
And in dwells this mind full of mysteries I know,
Which killed a waking presence long ago

Though as I stand at this arch of stone;
freezing, shivering, aching to every bone
Heights it reached of some burning desire,
the last attempts to fight the volcano with fire

It is not lost, not found, neither in any power;
The longest wait is the last minute of the hour
Beaten down to its mistakenly subtle force,
All within, just within, was its unknown source

Bit by bit

As lost, unstructured, battered and hopeless I feel about some of the things not falling at place – I also feel something else. I cannot define what this is, but it is just there – neither a force I could define, neither something which forms my stronger side. All I know is that is not a bad or a good side, or a wrong or a right; this is just something which keeps dying and resurrecting. In one small human life of billions and trillions of others who have passed their living and dying on this very earth, there is something which beats other than a heart. What beats within, I do not know. What I do know is that this refuses to die. This refuses to compromise, to accept defeat, to give up or strive for lesser. I have not even a hint of predictability skills to gauge what will happen next, and neither do I know whether these millions attempts will take me to success. I do not know if these trials do carry the weight to my freedom, or to whatever I know of satisfying this restless soul.

Courageous resolves are not an overnight phenomenon. The goals might not be as dreamy as they seemed, when you achieve them. The world worthy to live those dreams might perish bit by bit. The hopes might be extinguished each time they’re kindled. Failure may laugh at your face, and the world may seem like taking itself and you a peg lower each day. Yet, I will wait for those nights where my mind is not dominated by thought, but only one thing – courage. As mysterious the dawn is, hence I do not know whether it will come – but I stand here – waiting until I perish. I will get up tomorrow, and move. Even if it’s an inch and even if the circumstances throw me a hundred steps behind – I will move – bit by bit.