Thursday, February 25, 2010

On Love...

Dear Unvarying Reader,

Being an extremist, I know of two things. Extreme love and extreme wrath. I thought that in the extremities of my emotions, I shall time and again write on an emotion which I truly believe in like all others - love.

I would strongly suggest that people, who think they love another, read this. I am being pretty figurative here when I speak of the word ‘Love’. It may mean love for anybody. And when I say love, the definition of it is also unclear in many a mortal’s minds. I am not claiming here that my definition is the most perfect or right, but I have learnt things from people’s experiences. My medium has been an instrument of many people meeting, interacting and thinking that they have fallen in love – and some of them even have risen in it, truly. Through their experiences, I have learnt a lot. About general human nature, and how it changes with respect to love over a period of time. All of them can be used as good examples; and bad. But nothing can be generalized, and nothing (and I mean – nothing) should be compared. Only the frail feelings and emotions which are felt by mortals can be used as an example to avoid in order for non-straining relationships.

Now don’t expect me to give you the mantra for the success of any relationship. As stated earlier, I am not a guru. I’m just telling you that many positive feelings need to be non- fleeting, and they need to crop out of a thinking which is in my lingo, ‘practo-emotional’. Not thought out, planned or pre-determined, but a balance has to be there. Swinging more on the practical or emotional side creates lots of troubles, that’s all.

I believe nothing about love can be strictly defined. I am referring to love, which has the envision of being long term and not having the intention of changing its meaning or intensity over a period of time. Love cannot exist without expectation, and that is the truth. If it does, it can only exist for a fraction of time – however long or short it maybe. This is a truth, which is not harsh if anyone thinks of it in the right perspective. After all, it’s all about embracing the truth. Also, if one does anything permanently with a view to change himself, for the one he loves, it is not bad either. What are wrong are the common errors in expectations in love, which people commit, and that leads to a strained or harsh relationship.

Maybe it was the directionless winds of change which force a mortal to love another. Or maybe it’s an expectation of a good life. Fear of loneliness, fear of mental abandonment from society. Fear of coming to the end of one’s life alone and repenting about the absence of anyone when one is about to die or reach the evening of their lives. Whatever may be the premise for people to fall in love, the ultimate goal must be one, to keep oneself and the other happy. And if it achieves that in its lifetime, it is the most beautiful thing in the world.

What amuses me is that people expect everything to change from their perspective with regards the other, without willing to change themselves. Change for the good is great, but only if reciprocated well. This again crops out of the theory of expectation, and in my view, it’s not wrong.

I consider it similar to going to a car dealer to test-drive a Pagani Zonda (a great looking car). You don’t like the color and want it changed, require small time changes in the spoilers, hood, and some interior to be done. The dealer agrees at once that these changes can be done (they being justifiable) if you are happy with it. Even a good stereo system would be awesome. But post the test drive, you say you like the outer model of a Zonda (with all changes you suggested – and it looks kicking and is comfortable) but wish to have the engine of a Ferrari or a Lamborghini in it, because you simply cannot handle the engine RPM speed … or for whatever reason!

I have seen people do this on a plethora of occasions, and boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen, it just doesn’t work – not on a long term basis. If two people were to thank the other for being there, and fulfill selflessly, minute changes in his / her life, thought patterns, behavior patterns, etc., with a view to better the relationship and overall spirits of it in general, the ego and bad attitude issues will never arise. Again here, there may be a clash in belief and value systems, but the people must never forget something done for the bigger good – happiness, and that too keeping everything in perspective. It is not so complex if you think about it – and the only problem is people turning blind eyes to these essentials.

Speaking about ego and bad attitude earlier, these often get mistaken as protecting ones ‘self-respect’ and ‘individuality’. There is a very thin line of difference between these two when it comes to thought processes, but can totally make or mar a relationship, a home or an organization. Yes, self-respect and individuality are never to be compromised. And unvarying reader, I mean ‘never’. No matter what. Not even in the danger of Armageddon.

Though it sounds cliché, but for everything to be implemented and all the jazz to sound like music, not the ‘me’ but the ‘we’ attitude works best. Things thought of in common interest will yield better emotional outflow and results. It is not necessary that you should totally ignore what you are or want, but at the same time, not be stuck on your own ideas so much that they cannot see the damage they are doing to the relationship in the long term. Like other words which are worth pondering on about the enunciation of their true meanings, are the words ‘compromise’ and ‘sacrifice’. And these words are the true enunciation of love. Without these, love will always die a slow death.

We all are lovers to someone or the other like parents, siblings or ‘that special someone’. Hope all our love never dies. Godspeed.

1 comment:

  1. well Marcus, love has its levels.. so when you say "Love cannot exist without expectation, and that is the truth. If it does, it can only exist for a fraction of time – however long or short it maybe."; it refers to some state that is still growing..

    take an example - a mother will have a degree of love for her children that go beyond expectations.. she will give her life to protect them. We can also see this in spiritual form where people seem to have unending love for their god and expect nothing.. as you said, it can come from some it may be madness.. a thin line indeed, but love does have a level where expectations cease.. and you take the person as they are.. in all good and bad ways..

    on the Car example.. some may never quit driving their classic vehicles.. even if given the best of machines.. cuz they love the nostalgia, the feeling.. and wont settle for anything else.. but when you talk of change.. yes, we are talking about two people in 'love' who wish to spend their life together.. here, expectations to 'cooperate' as 'we' is only natural..

    But if you look at love from a survival perspective.. we can say that love is a mere form of mental state to enable procreation of organisms.. we do not directly know if love exists in animals, but after some years of the man made ritual and activity known as Marriage (assurance of procreation), we tend to go back to our lives.. our world where the passion slowly fades with time..

    this brings to another important aspect of love.. known as loyalty.. If you happen to see this absurd serial on UTV Bindaas - Emotional Atyachaar, you will feel that loyalty is scarce. If you catch your lover sleeping or kissing another person, what happens? The love is replaced by white blind anger, right? sometimes self-pity, but mostly anger. Then what was this role of so called love all the time? I am not implying you should not expect one to be loyal, but this article 'sluts prevent mass extinction' may give a clue to our real nature..

    And speaking of "Yes, self-respect and individuality are never to be compromised. And unvarying reader, I mean ‘never’. No matter what. Not even in the danger of Armageddon", in love, after you attain a certain level in your mortal confines, these do not matter.. if you hold on to these, you can never forgive.. and can only be scarred by love.. and not know one of the important lessons - Forgiving.. and Forgetting..the only way to feel it..

    In the end, expectations and all are ok... so is the desire to change.. but one must remember that the beginning of love starts by accepting them :)