Most nights while I am sleepless until the atmosphere around me is dead silent, I wonder what drives me. Why don’t I accept fate the way it so called is written for me, and just move on. Why don’t I just accept defeat to ‘destiny’, put all the blame on it and just ‘try’ and be satisfied with what I have. Blaming destiny is an excuse for not trying hard enough – and I am not someone who makes excuses. I have reasons for my actions. I do not quit; despite I am bleeding from my heels. If I do quit, there is a reason – but never an excuse. Most people are confused with this idea of difference between a reason and an excuse – and I shall clarify it in another post if I feel I got the words.
The pursuit of money, material comfort, a family life and a sense of security of having a fulfilling life is a part of everyone – and I am no exception to this, but since adolescence I simply just wonder – is this all there is to life? And I am not 'spiritual'... I believe that is total BS, a lie told by people to themselves that they are connected to their inner self, or God or whatever they 'think' they are connected to. If they really were required to walk their mile of the spirituality BS they study or preach or follow, they would simply just drown their values... fickle and funny. What they need to learn is to first connect with themselves... anyways... some other time on this.
What I think is that people mostly do not understand that while all these things are to achieve, there are higher things to do and achieve for the soul – which are ignored while all about the body and brain is taken care of – or attempted to be taken care of. Education is for the brain so we can be a creature of society, and materialism is for the body – no rocket science there. While the brain and the body need to be cared for, the soul is something which is completely ignored. I guess I am born in a medium was mostly slow in learning in adolescence is because it chose to see both the sides of the world – and hence it enables me to distinguish between emotional intelligence and the highly rated intelligence quotient.
These both require being in a balance which cannot be measured – but a balance has to be there. The balance is not a slave to time or quantity, but merely excellence and morality. Maybe that is what explains why my so called ‘prophecies’ have never been accurate. I always try and fight it. Maybe I could have a simpler life if I merely followed what was ordered and was flowing into my life. But I had a big fat NO for everything which seemed ludicrous to me. Hence my post on Future, Choice and Ignorance…
Why is my being so stuck to gaining something which is not sought after in this world anymore? Everything seems so fake and immaterial, that by pursuing those normal goals and dreams may make me ‘institutionalized’ into thinking like others. I have witnessed how others think, and I have thought that way in the past, and it doesn’t please me. And most of the time they aren’t even wrong (being them – what they are), because there are hardly any choices for them – or so it seems – or how they make them to be.
I seek to get out of this situation soon. I soon seek to gain insight into clarifying within me what is trivial and what I can avoid, because while all seems important, it need not necessarily be. Calculations, interpretations, money, security and aiming into so called material goals are not what I would term as the only ‘growth’ I am interested in. There is something more, something higher – something which my EQ (emotional quotient) itches to find out.
The biggest question I have already an answer to. Who am I?
I know who I am. I am an idea and seek to better the soul. I am simply in a human form, but being in here and in this so called civilized platform built upon the premise of materialism and intellectualization – I think even I am getting more out of touch of who I really am amongst others and what is the actual reason of my existence. I trust no one has a definite answer to that question and our the ‘valid’ reasons may crop out of where we are born, in which family we are, how we are raised, how we choose to raise ourselves (external to parental and other influence) and what we perceive and learn from this world – and most importantly, what do we think life is all about. Well, doesn’t seem all so ‘valid’ for me. Mostly I think everything is not seen as it is meant to be seen. There are some façade – drawn mostly by us or by those who we think we should listen to – parents, teachers, ‘idols’ and the like. We do not truly think for ourselves, and do not base anything on our instincts or values. Ha! We sometimes do not even base our values on what we ‘should’ think – and base it on silly sources which seem reliable. Hence, the listening is more towards the mind than towards the heart. There is definitely a curtain of reason to rob us of our common sense – and I also have been a victim of it, several times. But as soon as I realized it, it awoke me to another level. Perhaps that’s the reason I hate moral aridity.
Looking into the dark skies I know I think differently than others – few of the people choosing to see me the way I am, and most of them choosing to see me as per what they want to see me as. I do not claim I have an answer to what life is, or should be – but I know I have begun my journey into understanding it. A journey has been started into realization of my true purpose. I am unsure as to how much time will it take, or how many more stupid experiences will I have to undergo before I can totally shut myself from what is unnecessary for the soul. And ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls - love is very important for the soul.